viernes, noviembre 06, 2009

De universidades



He ido yo, radiante de optimismo, a la Complutense esta mañana, no sea que se me olvide el significado real de la palabra "absurdo". Y estaba saliendo todo estupendamente, bendita institución, cómo si algo lo pudieras hacer en tres minutos... he de reconocer que ha sido culpa mía porque yo, insensata, he decidido preguntar una vez concluida la entrega de documentación. La pregunta ha sido compleja, sin duda, ha sido algo así como "me debéis pasta, doscientos pavos, así que ¿ingreso en efectivo, cheque...?" y la respuesta, claro sorprendente: "estooo... es una una buena pregunta esa de que si se te va a devolver tu dinero (¿cómo?) porque...claro...no estoy muy seguro la verdad o bueno, no estoy seguro del trámite (ya estamos...) es probable que tengas que rellenar un impreso.... en secretaría...(verás...)... no, no, yo creo que tienes que ir al decanato, si, al decanato...(ya la hemos cagao!)... si, mira, sube a la entreplanta de la primera planta (la parte contratante de la primera parte...) sigue recto, gira a la derecha y a la izquierda al fondo pregunta a la secretaria" De este tipo de explicaciones procede mi complejo sobre la falta de orientación.

Secretaria del decanato, 30 minutos después: "ay, no hija, no lo se la verdad, yo se que puede que el secretario de la facultad lo sepa...no, no, claro que no soy yo, ojala!..si, eso, el secretario de la facultad que suele estar en su despacho que está en la primera planta, detrás de las escaleras, enfrente de la cafetería de profesores... aunque claro, puede ser que no esté pero si no está pregunta en secretaria, ya sabes en la planta baja"

No estaba, evidentemente. Es decir, ¿quien no sabe que la universidad tiene puestos fantasmas?

Secretaría: pues no se... lo que tienes que hacer es el trámite A. 1/W... ah ¿ya lo has hecho? ¿y que dices que preguntas?...no se... ¿pero has hecho ya el trámite A. 1/W? porque mira, te explico los requisitos de este trámite...ah, ¿ya lo sabes? ¿ya lo has hecho? ¿que nosotros dijimos que?..aay pues no se, maja, la verdad...el caso es que eso lo sabe el secretario de la facultad...¿no le encuentras?..pues chica, no se, ha estado aquí hace un rato, la verdad...¿sabes quien lo sabe seguro? ...en portería...si, si, en la entrada de la facultad el bedel"

Portería: Pues mira, guapa, el despacho está en la planta primera, detrás de las escaleras, enfrente de la cafetería de profesores...¿no está? si claro, venir ha venido, tiene que trabajar..sabes? yo creo que va a estar en la cafetería...¿desde hace una hora? si, puede ser... mira, entra en la cafetería y le preguntas...¿no sabes quien es? bueno en ese caso cuando entres en la cafetería le preguntas a quien esté allí que quien es Angel, el secretario de la facultad"

Pestañeo. Sigo con la sonrisa administrativa que he conservado tooodo el tiempo. Pestañeo. ¿me estás vacilando, verdad? ¿es broma? ¿el consejo no es que entre en la cafetería de profesores y me ponga a berrear eso de que levante la mano quien sea el secretario?... no guapa, así seguro que le encuentras...tu sabrás si le quieres encontrar...¿este señor no tendrá por casualidad, algo moderno, así, de última generación como por ejemplo, un teléfono?...no me lo puede dar, ya, claro...gracias.

Gerencia: disculpe señorita, aquí no podemos ayudarla...claro que sabemos quien es el secretario..y ¿cual es tu duda?..ah, es buena, si...eso lo sabe el secretario...aunque en secretaria también lo saben y sino ¿sabes quien? la secretaria del decanato..ah, que todos ellos te han dicho lo mismo...¿que te han dicho que hagas qué en la cafetería?..disculpa que me ría, no, no, claro eso no...pues no puedo ayudarte"

Secretaria: Pff... no guapa, yo creo que lo que tienes que hacer es el trámite A. 1/W... ¿ya lo has hecho?... ¿un teléfono? si, claro, mira, te voy a dar el teléfono de la secretaria del decanato para que la puedas localizar.

Vale, me sirve, me voy, ya lo intento otro día si eso.


Si eso te pasa en una compañía de teléfonos móviles, por ejemplo, si te deben pasta y te marean uno se va a la OCU. Pero la Complutense, por dios ¿cuantas denuncias tiene en la OCU a pesar de ser una de las instituciones que más pasta te roba? es tan fácil timar cuando tienes un bonito número de consumidores que todo lo que tienen es ilusión....

Me estoy imaginando yo, al pobre Platón, recorriendo la academia en busca de un papel por el que le han cobrado una pasta que nadie le quiere devolver, remitiéndole a Sócrates continuamente y Sócrates mientras tomándola sabe dios donde.

18 comentarios:

Juan Rodríguez Millán dijo...

Pero vamos a ver, alma cándida (lo digo con cariño, ¿eh...?). ¿Tú no viste la escena de Las doce pruebas de Asterix que colgé en mi blog hace unos pocos posts? Pues eso. No te vuelvas loca, no merece la pena, que el monstruo burocrático ya se ha comido a demasiada gente ya...

*V* dijo...

jajajajaja... no, no, alma candida total!

Es que estas cosas saltan cuando menos te lo esperas... no las ves venir, y claro al primer descuido estás metida en un laberinto burocrático!

Susana dijo...

jajajajajajaja ¡qué bueno!
Tenías que haber entrado en la cafetería preguntando a voces por el señor en cuestión jajajajaja.

*V* dijo...

jajaja... si, claro, todas las grandes eminencias del saber histórico tomando su cafelito y yo allí en medio, parada, gritando " el secretario, por favor.. ¿quien es el secretario?"

Tu es que me has visto hacer demasiadas pavadas en mi vida y claro, te lo imaginas!!

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Anónimo dijo...
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